Madonna playing a yoga teacher in The Next Best Thing.
Which in my opinion, was THE BEST thing!
Without Madonna I would not do yoga, nor have taught yoga

Dear reader,

First of all a little consolidation:
This blog is staying.

Tomorrow I will reboot my Yoga Challenge to do Bon Jovi yoga 365 days,  and I will write about it here.
This will make this blog the only expression of yoga, I will have in the future.

About two months ago I merged all my art forms together, into a Rock Star project, that included English and Dutch yoga channels.
I was absolutely thrilled with the idea that the Rock Star project would bring all my favorite areas, Yoga, Business and Writing together.

But the result has been absolutely disastrous.
My productivity has flatlined, in all areas.
And all I think of all day is that I “have to” make yoga videos, and beat myself up for not being professional.

I have never been less productive in my life.
Wanting to combine these areas is clearly too much, and it has paralyzed me.

Combined with the fact that I have found out that I will not teach yoga as a professional, in real life ever again (and only one day pick up teaching yoga to friends), and the fact that my yoga videos on YouTube feel out of alignment with the power house I am and the inspiration I know I am here to bring!, the only correct choice is to stop teaching yoga once and for all.

Talking business and Bon Jovi on video, is for me. Teaching yoga, is not. 
And not just now; over the last two weeks alone, there has not been a day, I did not want to delete all my yoga videos.
By quitting making new ones, I hope I can stand having them online, and that the desire to delete all of them will fade away.

But all in all, I have decided to bite the bullet, and I admit I have made a mistake.

That I have not just deluded myself, and given myself hope, that I would be able to teach yoga suitable for Bon Jovi fans, and build two online YouTube yoga studios, that we would all love and that would be fun and lighthearted!
But I have also given you hope I would be able to do that.

I admit to you and myself;
I can’t.

And instead of dragging this failure into yet another day, this has to end right now. It’s enough.
I will spend the rest of this week cleaning up all my blogs and channels, until there is clarity that I am a writer, a business teacher, a freedom teacher, a YouTuber about Bon Jovi; But that I will only write about yoga.

That is still a lot. 
But to me, taking yoga videos out of there, and acknowledging that I am no longer a yoga teacher, makes it not just bearable;
It makes it RIGHT.

It makes the project Rock Star exactly, the way it was always meant to be. Yoga does not belong in it. And teaching yoga does not get to go with me, from this point on.

Will I miss being in spandex in front of my camera?
Absolutely not.

Will I miss being a yoga teacher?
Oh hell yes.

I ve updated the Rock Star program here below.
And in the upcoming days I will adjust all my websites and YouTube channels.
Which is a good way to spend the rest of the week, because I have a pretty bad cold, and have not been able to work yesterday and today.

But I wanted to let you, on this Daily Bon Jovi Yoga site, know first.
Which like I said, will continue.
I started a 365 day yoga challenge one month ago, which was also one of the many things that suffered.
I want to start fresh and show you and myself, that I can do this!
The first month of this yoga challenge did help me understand I was blocking, and in a very bad shape mentally. It helped me to understand I needed to burn the boat and never teach yoga again.

Right now it hurts so much, but it’s nothing more than shame and losing face.
Which is ultimately absolutely irrelevant. Like I said, bite the bullet, apologize, and move on.
I fucked up, and that’s the end of it.

But it does feel weird.
Because in 2019 I did have a vision of what I was going to do, what I was going to create, and I called it Rock Star Yoga.
And to then not do it?
To then say, sorry I f-ed up?
It can mean two things in my opinion.

Either the vision was false and I just wanted it to be true, because being a yoga teacher gave me a sense of identity.
I have always been a communicator, artist, writer and mindset and business/entrepreneur enthusiast. All day, every day, I can do this work that I love without even needing sleep.
Yet the only yoga teacher I ever wanted to be was Madonna in The Next Best Thing! 
Rock Star Yoga was me giving a name to what Madonna in The Next Best Thing was.
Rock Star Yoga was the closest thing I have ever felt, to capturing that  dream. The closest thing, to the inspiration she offered in that movie.
So that makes it even stranger that I didn’t pursue!

The second option is that the vision was true, and Rock Star Yoga was for me; And I am missing my calling and life’s purpose.
But there is a catch to this one….
Because what I DO automatically, which is writing, and business, and studying Bon Jovi, and even making Bon Jovi videos (although, like the 365 yoga challenge, these videos have also mas-sive-ly suffered from me beating myself up for not making yoga videos).
So judging from the past years, the purpose, the calling, of wanting to teach Rock Star Yoga, has proven to take a toll on writing and my Bon Jovi work, two things which I consider far more important.
More, my calling.
If I have to choose, and judging from how little work I get done if I make myself teach yoga on video, I do have to choose; I d rather drop yoga and do all the other things.

It was just that being a yoga teacher did give me an identity, and of course, money. 
That made Rock Star Yoga so alluring…. It was the promise of a real profession (yoga teacher) WITH the coolness of all things Bon Jovi.

But upcoming July, it would have been almost three years since I started developing Rock Star Yoga, and I have been unsuccessful at making it work.
I will spare you how Covid and giving up my yoga space, have all contributed to it, because I think ultimately it doesn’t matter.

And with that, my yoga career has finally, come to an end.

~Suzanne
Rock Star Writer Nijmegen
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1 Year Of Yoga, 365 sessions 

Starts tomorrow

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Title: “Rock Star”
or “Rock Star yoga/ business/ writer”

artists: Suzanne Beenackers, little bear Puux           
art form: performance art
phase 1: earliest expressions, mixed work, July 2019 – March 2022
phase 2: April 2022 – 

ROCK STAR
English YouTube Life lessons in Bon Jovi songs
blog Rock Star Writer

YOGA
blog  Daily Bon Jovi Yoga

BUSINESS
YouTube Rock Your Business

WRITER
blog World Between Worlds

My Dutch channel and blog have not been reassigned yet.
blog: Suzanne Beenackers
Nederlandse YouTube 
I have some ideas, but I haven’t decided yet.

2 Facebook pages
1. Rock Star Writer on Facebook
2. Dutch: Suzanne Beenackers Schrijver Facebook met beertje Puux

1 Twitter account
my personal Twitter account