The last couple of days, I have known that I need to start integrating part of who I am, into my work as a yoga teacher, a mentor, but more than anything; In my work as a writer. Which is ultimately what this blog will be; Writing about yoga related topics. And when I say “yoga related” I mean that in the broadest, most “meta” sense of the word! Because I will reboot my YouTube (yoga) channel to make videos about Bon Jovi related topics, but I will also be sharing my new, international, yoga system there. So anything that is related to yoga in the narrow (as far as you can call a whole new system narrow!), practical sense of the word, will be coming soon to my English YouTube Leaving this practice blog for the meta-stuff. And maybe it is because I shifted the purpose of this blog just last week – the posts about Bon Jovi concerts have moved to the Rock Star Writer blog – but something in me finds this blog the most inviting, for what you could see as a confession. Something I have been keeping from my work here, and justifiably so, because the story wasn’t finished. As much as I knew there was something in there that was extremely relevant to share, that my biggest message was buried somewhere behind this secret second life I lived; I didn’t know how to tell the story without endangering myself by objectifying myself, or by selling myself short. Without risking having to defend myself, before understanding the point I was to bring across. The reason I can share this now, is because the story has ended. And because I understand a large part of it. Enough to take the risk, and understanding that it is not just my story. There is a bigger lesson here. The story is that I was a secret mistress for nine years. In retrospect this was the most important decision of my life to have said Yes to. If I had said No, which I think we can all agree would have been the most logical choice; But then I would not have lived a purposeful life. “He”, was The Call To Adventure, as it is known in The Hero’s Journey from Joseph Campbell. And just like in that book, I did initially refuse (step 2 “Refusing the Call”). Not to the intimacy as such, but I expected the rest of the relationship to follow. When it didn’t, our entire first half year, was one big refusal to the call, of what he was offering; The Adventure I had been so dearly lacking, in all my steady relationships. The very reason, I had broken up with my long-term boyfriend. And perhaps the reason I stayed was also because part of me recognized The Call, in this situation. That despite this being different from a book I bought in 2007, called White Tigress by Hsi Lai, and despite me not practicing any of specific techniques in the book, nor understanding the spiritual background; It was the essence, that was the same. The essence of a conscious woman taking ownership over her own sexual choices. So perhaps, in those first 6 months, even though the path came in an entirely different way than I had anticipated, I did recognize the similarities to; The path of the White Tigress. (orginal book 2001) Which was the only path I had found for a (spiritual) solitary or single lifestyle. Although having that many lovers, or being that transactional about sex did not appeal to me, what did appeal to me was that the book didn’t treat being a sexually active single, as the pre-work for a real relationship or settling down. Here, it was the end-game. A lifestyle. Because the path of the mistress was of course something entirely different, and it had not been my choice, it took “balls” for lack of a more feminine word, to step into this. And even when I did, I wasn’t aware things like this can last this long. That it would be nine years, before I would come out on the other end. Transformed. A new woman. And when I look at his life now, it’s like I was never there. Perhaps in a sense, I wasn’t. So this blogpost seems to come out top-down, or inside out! As if the ending comes first, before I can give context so you can relate or understand. Nothing I can do about it, but what I can do, is tell you the context now. Why this unconventional relationship, was so important to me. And even; Inevitable. To understand what happened, why my choice to “waste” 9 years, and still stand behind it even now that it has ended, we need to go back to my teens; I have always been interested in sex and boys. My walls were covered with Jon Bon Jovi posters, until I realized that they had to go because if boys would visit my bedroom, I could not have another man so prominent, in my life. So I loved Jon Bon Jovi, and rock music, but I was also pretty successful in my love life. I only had three boyfriends throughout my entire teens, but none of them were from the school I visited, nor from the town where I lived. They were interesting, intelligent, charming boys, and the last one was twenty or twenty-one, when I was 17, so he had added the advantage of being interesting because he was older. And he had his own place, so we now only had my parents to “worry about”. No one was gatekeeping his sexuality. In my twenties I fell in love with the fourth man, a university peer, and we stayed together for over 16 years, including 2 years when we lived as friends, as we had already split up. The reason for this split was because, for reasons I will not reveal here, I had not been able to experiment with sex or relationships. I had never chosen to be in a steady committed relationship, but it had been the only one I could stand, without getting serious mental health issues. So although I had really enjoyed my long-term relationships, and consider myself “good” or even “impeccable” at them!; I knew the choice for them had been a forced one. I had never once dreamed of marriage and children, and the most romantic thing I know I ever thought, because I wrote it down at the time, was that I thought it would be so cool to stay together for such a long time, that it all dies out, and you no longer passionately long for each other. But I had always been unconventional. From those first four boyfriends, I had until I was in my early 30s; The one who had been seeing other girls, and who had been the most difficult to deal with, to this day holds a soft-spot in my heart. Although the other three had all been monogamous, I had never pursued  it, and had been very aware “competition”  excited me. So in my early 30s our relationship stranded, and my half of it was because I knew I needed to explore other relationship forms, fall in love with new men, plural, and just figure things out. That’s when in 2007, I bought the Hsi Lai book, White Tigress, and let myself be inspired by it. Not the techniques, but the idea itself, of being a White Tigress, resonated with me. For the first 8 years I dated different men, including getting my heart broken in the first two years. Badly. Yet I knew I liked being single way more than being in a relationship, but I did not have a coherent image or identity of what I was or even why. In a sense the first 8 years I had not come much further than the February in 2007 when I had bought that book. But in 2014 I was still having too much fun, to care about such details. And then late 2014, I met my lover and everything changed. It was an intense period, it was the first time I really had to decide; “Am I really going to do this?!” And then I thought “No!” but did “Yes”. Telling myself, he’d change. That one day there’d be an Us; An Us that never came. Until 2024 came, and suddenly I am alone. Nine years later. And last week it suddenly hit me, the synchronicity of it; The full training of a White Tigress, which involves multiple partners, but very often (if she’s lucky!) also involves a male partner called “A Jade Dragon”; A spiritual practitioner, who will initiate and guide her. The full education is all in secret and it lasts 9 years. It was then, that I knew it was done. Like a universal power or fate, had let it last exactly for the duration it was destined to have. It was complete. Not only had my instincts had been right, that it had not been 9 wasted years. Not in my case! But that I had also been given, the experience, the adventure, and the education I had longed for, and had set out to have, in 2007, when I picked up that book. I was given the teachings of the White Tigress, in a form that involved big emotions, and pure passion. Just like I had felt them from the moment I had pinned my first Jon Bon Jovi poster to the wall. By a man who had been available to be my Jade Dragon. Nothing more. But certainly, nothing less. And my Hero’s Journey was completed. ~Suzanne I teach yoga at de Club, Nijmegen including three international workshops, among which “The White Tigress”

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I practice #dailybonjoviyoga, and you can create your own too! yoga videos: 369 Catacombe playlist  Your Bon Jovi album + a schedule! -> 1. Daily Bon Jovi Yoga manual: https://dailybonjoviyoga.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/bon-jovi-yoga-set-list-2.0-yoga-framework-incl-sticky-men-schedules.pdf 2. Yoga Miracles (from upcoming manual The 9 Steps of Yoga) https://dailybonjoviyoga.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/9-steps-of-yoga-the-yoga-miracles-schedules-page-1-to-4.pdf 3. The White Tigress Yoga Workbook is for sale at: https://www.lulu.com/spotlight/rockstarwriter or direct link: https://www.lulu.com/shop/suzanne-l-beenackers/the-white-tigress-yoga-workbook/paperback/product-zv2z9v.html?page=1&pageSize=4 4. And I also practice with my 52 Dutch schedules: “Het Yogaboek van Liefdeseend”   . ~Suzanne 🇳🇱 Tikkie ☕️ Buy me a coffee 🌎 Paypal